i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
