and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
