He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
