so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
