I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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