I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
