She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
