thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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