There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
