We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
