Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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