I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
