Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
