My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
