we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
