he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
