rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
