; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
