last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
