3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
