remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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