I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
