she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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