ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
