She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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