I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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