if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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