I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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