I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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