I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
