my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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