Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
