I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
