im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
