I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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