? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
