we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
