Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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