I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
