ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ttyl tear gas
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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