she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize