there's paper in my vomit.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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