Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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