You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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