The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
