i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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