erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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