i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
