I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
