Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
