Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
