Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
