Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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