Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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