I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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