I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
