fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
