He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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