Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
