Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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