Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
