Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
