Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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