Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
