How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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