i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
