Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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