if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
