I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
