I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
