The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
