i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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