it's not cheating when I paid for it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
