can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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